Inadequacy

It's hard to believe in myself. Even in these online spaces i've always felt like I tweak people out or out or the way I talk to people is boring, and I have felt this way in every avenue of life. I really feel like I'm supposed to be someone who is able to carry the spirits of everyone, someone that people should admire but I can't help but this single problem is something that has stayed after weeding the rest of my problems out and this bleeds into how I deal with interpersonal relationships. I admire most people I let around me, but they also feel like people I have to compete against, not because I want to be better than them, but because I want to match up to them. I can't fathom being left behind, but even then in my stupor of manic delusions I recognize I don't move as fast. These things get tiring.

Feeling stupid right now.